Home is where I sleep for 3 or more consecutive nights

So I've been a bit behind on updating my blog. I have no excuse other than not really knowing what to say. Some weeks ago I had some issues at my site and ended up getting pulled because of safety and security concerns. Let's just say that it was a pretty rough time. It was definitely hard to leave my village, even though I had only been there for 5 weeks. I really loved my village and the people were amazing, not to mention it's one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. I've kind of been in limbo since then, not really knowing where I'll be going or what I'll be doing. But, we do have a plan. I'll be moving to another village with a fellow volunteer. She just moved there and I will be moving there as soon as there is a house available for me. I'm not really sure how long that will take. In the meantime, I am staying at a fellow volunteer's house in the city and working on projects in the city. Basically, everything is completely different now but things are good. The dust has finally settled and I'm starting to see a bit more clearly.

I've moved around so much since being in country, that I start to call a place "home" as soon as I've stayed there a few nights. Home has been my training site when I lived with the family, the hostel in the city, my house at site, Matt's house when I visited for 5 days, my house again, the hostel in the city again and now it's the apartment I'm staying at. I've also gotten way better at living in the present, which is good. My life has kind of been in limbo for so long that if I started to stress about it I'd get REALLY stressed, so I'm just taking it a little at a time.

2 weeks in the city

I got into the city a week ago for restocking and a general sanity-check. Actually, I thought that after 5 weeks in the jungle I'd be going crazy and desperately need this week in the city. Luckily though, I love my village and I wasn't as desperate to have a break from the village. Surprisingly, the city is the stressful experience, not the village. I think I'm going to be screwed when I get back to the States after 2 years here. Already, this city of 250,000 seems overwhelming and chaotic. After 2 years of not seeing cars, I think American cities are going to seem crazy to me.

I'm staying in the city for an extra week because all the flights back to my site were booked until next Saturday. I don't think this is a normal thing (hopefully). The country has vacation from school right now, so a lot more people are going back and forth from the city to the interior. I'm partly happy to be in the city for another week, because I didn't feel I had enough time to really buy everything I needed for site, so I'll be able to do that. But, I'm also kind of disappointed because 2 weeks is a long time to be out of site. I miss my home and my villagers! I'm so relieved that I do. I was afraid (before having actually been to my village) that I would dread going back, and I don't at all. This week I'm going to visit another volunteer for a few days. Her village also speaks Ndjuka, so it'll be a good chance to practice during these 2 weeks. Anyway, not much to say. Site is great and I've killed a tarantula in my house with a machete and got to pet a baby sloth in the same day. I've also found out that there are a lot of jaguars near my village. Great. I would love to see one, but that's a very theoretical feeling. I think if I actually saw one I'd be so terrified. I haven't seen a snake yet, or at least not an alive one. Knock on wood for that one.

July 30,2010

I've been at site now for 9 days. It feels amazing because I've been completely happy for 9 whole days! I'll be honest, training was pretty hard. Living in someone else's home is a tough situation. It was a good experience, and it definitely was necessary to teach me what I needed to learn, but I'm glad it's over. Training was just extremely overwhelming. I felt an extreme amount of stress and pressure, which made me feel like I might snap at any moment. I haven't felt like that at all here.

And now I'm actually here, and it's great! The day we came, Thursday the 22nd, was such a long, exhausting day. It took us 12 hours to get here. Instead of flying, which is what I'll normally do, we took a Peace Corps vehicle (way to go white land cruisers!), and then we loaded all of Matt, Brittany and my stuff on to one boat (yes, that's a motorized CANOE carrying all of our possessions to set up three houses), and headed upriver. The car ride was only supposed to take 2 to 3 hours, but there was a blockade on the road because a school teacher was demanding that the government fix the road and her car. Yes, her car. I didn't get a look at her car, but the road was really bad. So, we had to wait there for a while until the local equivalent of the SWAT team showed up and un-blockaded it all. It was pretty cool to see actually. The Peace Corps staff member, who is Surinamese was pretty excited about it all.

The first day here wasn't the best. It was just super overwhelming getting here, and having all of my stuff in the middle of my floor in boxes and buckets and trying to say initial hellos to my community. And since the week in the city for shopping was so jam-packed I had just thrown all my stuff into boxes, so I had no idea where anything was. But, since then it's been pretty amazing. My community is just awesome. They're super chill and really nice. They don't do much gawking (well, most of them don't) and they're very friendly and helpful. Also, it's just great to have my own schedule and my own space. The first 3 nights I was here we didn't have electricity, but since then we have had it every night from 7 - 11. Matt and Brittany came a few days ago to hang out with me here. Matt is still here, but Brittany left this morning. Matt is my savior. He spent all of Thursday evening and the entire day yesterday wiring my house. He put in two electrical outlets and three lights. Before, I just had one single lightbulb in my house. Now, I have light in my bedroom! And, I can charge things! It seriously seems like a luxury. He's also helped me with a bunch of other things around the house, like putting nice big locks on my doors and other things like that. We really played traditional boy/girl roles this week. He did the manly stuff around the house and I cooked and cleaned for him. It worked out.

My language is getting better. I feel like I'm sort of starting to make friends here. At least I seem to know everyone. Not necessarily their names, but I pretty much recognize 90% of the people when I walk around. So yeah, it's been really good and I think I'll be pretty happy here.

swearing in

So we swore in yesterday! I am officially a Peace Corps volunteer! I don't even know what to write, I'm super exhausted. This weekend has been super long and...exhausting. We had a week to buy everything we need to move in to our new houses. That's a lot of stuff. It's been a lot of logistics and shopping bags.

July 8

Thursday, July 8, 2010
So it's about 9:30 p.m., which is my bed time. Yes, I go to bed incredibly early here. And when I go to site I imagine I'll be going to bed even earlier. Between waking up at sunrise, and the fact that washing laundry is as exhausting as running a few miles, I'm pretty exhausted at night. Also, when I get to site and have no electricity much of the time, there won't be a whole lot to do after 7:00, sunset.

Right now reggae music is blasting, which strangely enough is part of a week and a half long funeral in my community. I think this is the last of the events (at least for now). It's been really intense and crazy. It started a few days after she died when we had to clean around the funeral house, which I already wrote about. Then, last Saturday the body was brought to the town from the city. The city swelled to about twice its usual population. That day everyone gathered and cried and danced. The next day I think there was a break. Then, Monday was bookode. I had come back from our 4th of July celebrations (pool party at the Ambassador's house!) that day and it was super overwhelming to have so many people in the village. Two host-relatives were visiting and staying in my house, which put us at 11 people living in this 25' by 15' house. That night I finished washing up at about 6:00 and went in the house. The kids locked the door behind me and told me that I couldn't go outside anymore. They seemed kind of scared and anxious and it sounded super crazy outside, with lots of running and shouting. I just figured it was a cultural thing with the funeral and didn't worry too much. Finally, my language teacher came and got me. We stood on the porch and watched everything for awhile. All the men of the town were running around with machetes, bricks, stones and sticks. Basically, anything they could find. If they found a rooster out of the chicken pen, they would throw things at it to kill it. They were killing all the roosters they could find in the village. Also, if they found a child outside they would chase the kid, catch him and bring him to the casket to scare the crap out of the kid. I realized that's why they told me I couldn't go outside; the kids think I'm a kid. They don't really realize that I'm actually older than their mom. I walked around for awhile that night and it was pretty crazy. They were cooking a ton of food and the men were running all around. They stayed up dancing and playing music all night that night. By the way, during all of this I was really sick. Not a great time to be sick, when there's a week of all-night parties that can't be avoided.

The next day was the burial. The morning was full of traditional music and dancing, which was pretty cool. Then all the adults went to bury the body. They made a ton of food that day called toowe nyannyan = "throwaway food". They dig a big hole and throw a ton of food in it. The last two nights have seemed to just be all-night music. Thank god for sleeping pills.

Today my little 2-year-old brother was walking around in rain boots with a foot-long knife. They're really not concerned with kids having knives here. It was pretty cute, though. He had two of his little buddies with him, and they were all sharing one sucker. I'll try to post a picture of them. Despite their super snotty, disease-spreading noses, they're adorable.

June 30

Only 2 weeks left of training. I know that a lot is going to change, and change can make me somewhat anxious, but I think it'll be really good. I think the hard things (at least the things that will be harder than where I am right now) about where I'm going will be: I won't have electricity, I don't get to meet up with the other volunteers every few days, I don't have someone to cook for me. The things I'm looking for are: I don't have someone cooking for me (ok, I don't get to be as lazy, but I get to make whatever I want!), I'll have my own place, my community is super awesome, no more training assignments, and I'll feel like I'm really starting this! I just think it's going to be super different from training, but once I adjust to it, I think it'll be really good.

On a not so good note, today was the day of my Grandma's funeral. She died about 2 weeks ago. She was nearly 99 years old, so it was definitely expected. When I left I said goodbye to her, but it was still really sad. She's just always been in my life, and it's strange knowing that she's just not there anymore. Last Friday I got a package from my family and there was a bunch of photos in it, one of Grandma and I, the last time I saw her. When I saw the photo I just started crying. I think dealing with things from home while here is really hard.

Anyway, here's a happy thought so I don't leave it on a sad note. I saw a wild boar chasing a rooster today. I laughed out loud. He's technically a wild boar, but he's my family's pet, named Kucha. So, it wasn't completely crazy to see him chasing a rooster. His bristly hair was standing on end, making a funny sort of pig mohawk. I love that pig. He's pretty cool. The other morning I found him in my wash house, and it made me laugh when I realized how normal that was for me right now: finding a pig in my wash house.

June 26

This morning was pretty exhausting, but it was very...cultural. Ok, I'll get to the point. A woman died in my village yesterday. She was only about 50 and she seems to have been the sister of my hostmom (family connections are super confusing and shaky to me). I know I'd met her, but I can't quite figure out who she was. Apparently, she had a fever for a few days and then died. I'm sure that's nothing near what actually happened, but the complexities of illness and death don't fall under the scope of my language abilities right now. Brittany (the other trainee in my village) and I went this morning to help the village clean the area around the death house. It's basically like a village's funeral home. But, it's just an open-air thatched roof hut. I don't know if they lay the body out there or what. But anyway, so we cleared the grounds for a little over an hour today. It was super exhausting because it was really hot and cloudless this morning (and then crashing down rain and thunder this afternoon, that's how it works in the rain forest I guess). It was also exhausting because, like everything else, we were being constantly corrected on our raking and hoe-ing techniques. It wasn't as bad as it could have been. I think we were both getting a little fed-up also because this one really enormous woman kept on just laughing at us for some unknown reason. That's what she always does. I really liked something that Brittany said about her: "obnoxious knows no culture or language." Also, I got bit by about 20 red ants. Those things hurt like hell. So, we were feeling a little under-appreciated, but then we finished up and a bunch of women came up and told us that we had worked so hard and thanked us a ton, so that made both of us feel much better. I know we were being a bit whiny, but when you're doing work for someone else and getting laughed at in the process, you get a bit upset. Oh, another thing was that all the men sat on a log and watched. There was one older man who was picking up vegetation in a wheelbarrow, but the big strapping young men were just watching. This country's gender roles really get me some times. The women raise the children, do all house work, clean, work in the fields, chop the wood and do just about everything else, frequently while pregnant. The men basically just go to work. And when there's no "9 to 5" jobs, that many times involves a lot of watching the World Cup. Wow, this entry was whiny. Sorry, I never want to have that super-whiny blog. Hmmm...let me think of something good from today. The thunderstorm today was really awesome. There was super loud thunder and just violent downpouring rain. Then, we were walking down the hill to the village after the rain and there was mist across from us in the trees on the hill. It looked like we should see a silver-back gorilla or something. It was pretty.